For those of you who find themselves immersed in negative thoughts, sadness and/or heartbreak today, I would like to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy of love and your worth is not dependant on the amount of roses, gifts and treats you receive this Valentine’s Day.
It is often said that in order to love someone else, you must love yourself first. So, love yourself. The love you have for yourself is the most important love you will ever experience, it is a love that doesn’t depend on anyone or anything else, it is a love that only you have a right over. Fall in love with your goals, your aspirations, your characteristics, your smile, your hair, your dressing sense, your laugh, your values. And then never lose sight of that self love. Give yourself the love you deserve.
This Valentine’s Day, reflect on the importance of self love in your life and allow it to make your life colourful, allow it to set you free and lead you to the places you’ve only ever dreamed of. We say that we accept the love we think we deserve; fall in love with yourself completely so you learn to accept the love you truly deserve so that it makes your life beautiful. The love you have for yourself will take you to wonderful places and who knows, maybe you’ll stumble upon true love in one of those places. But, until then, fall in love with yourself a bit more every day.
Happy Valentine’s Day to each and every one of you!
I can feel her hand slipping away, I’m holding as tightly as I can but I’m losing her, I don’t have the strength to hold, I can’t do it anymore…I just want to close my eyes, I can’t do it…I can’t…I…
“Kiran! Stay with us! You have to stay awake, Mum, keep talking to her!”
My eyes shoot open and there she is right beside me.
“You’re going to be okay, just stay awake. Everything is going to be okay.”
She just wiped away the single tear that was rolling down her cheek, thinking I didn’t see it. She squeezes my hand and gives me a faint smile. I don’t know how she does it. So courageous, so strong; my beautiful mother…
…I see them, holding their charts, looking at records, looking at the machines that I’m plugged to; their concerned looks piercing at me, hurting more than the IV needles I can hardly feel; as a matter of fact when did they even put those needles in me…and why do I have these bruises on my arm…
…Right. Blood tests. But when did that even happen…
“Unhooked insulin pump…hyperglycemia…diabetic…careless…unreadable numbers…high blood pressure…risk of coma.”
Whatever, I’m too tired, my eyes are shutting again and I can’t stop them. I CAN’T FEEL ANYTHING, WHY CAN’T I FEEL ANYTHING?! I can’t lift my head…her hand is slipping away…again… I’M slipping away…all this beeping…make it stop, so many questions, medical gibberish…it’s all so distant. I just want to sleep…for a very long time.
…I’m awake again, I see him. My baby brother and oh look, my sister too. But wait, why are they crying hysterically? WHERE AM I? WHY CAN’T I SPEAK?
I heard them say I’ve been here for an entire day, I can’t remember anything
…I had…an exam..this morning…did I write it? No, not this morning…how long have I been sleeping?
“Can we take her home mom?”
I’m still tired…
It’s daddy! I open my eyes and I reach out but I can’t get a hold of his hand, WHY CAN’T I REACH OUT?!
But daddy takes my hand and he holds it close to his heart. Hmmm, when was the last time I even held his hand? It doesn’t matter, it feels nice, it feels like home, it’s warm and I finally think I’m going to be okay.
Yeah…I’ll be totally fine, everything is going to be okay…Dad will take me home and I’ll be okay…
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
They’re all rushing back into the room.
“We’re moving her to SickKids NOW! Mom or dad? Who’s coming with us in the ambulance?”
Dad tells them he’ll go, but I’ve never done this whole hospital thing without mom before…oh well, I guess it’s okay. I just want to close my eyes and sleep…yeah, I’ll just sleep…
…SOMEBODY STOP THESE STUPID SIRENS!
“Miss Bhullar, can you hear me?! Do you know where you are? Do you know where you’re going? Kiran, can you tell me how old you are? What’s your full name? Do you see your dad right beside you? He’s right here with you. Can you stay awake for me? We’ll be there soon, I promise. Just stay with me.”
WHY IS HE ASKING ME THESE QUESTIONS, SHUT UP
“If we lose her now, she’ll be gone. Possibly into a coma, brain damage, we’ll lose her.”
WHAT? NO! This paramedic is an idiot; I’m not going anywhere Mister. I can answer his questions, watch me!
…. Wait. Why can’t I answer? Come on Kiran, stop nodding your head and SPEAK! Tell him your name, tell him you know you’re going to make it, COME ON.
UGH THESE STUPID SIRENS.
“Kiran, I’m Dr. Cristi, we’ve met before, Dr. Kao’s clinic? You’re in good hands, they took good care of you and now we’re going to make sure you’re okay.”
All I can do is nod my head. Stupid. Stupid beeping, stupid noises, stupid hospital, stupid ambulance, I never want to hear those goddamn sirens again. Stupid nurses.
…I can’t do this. I need to sleep again…
…I’m slipping away …again…I’m going to be gone…No..NO NO NO, come on Kiran…where is dad?! Where the hell is mom?! I want to cry, I want to scream, GET ME OUT OF THIS PLACE, I’m falling… I’m going…I’m…slipping…away…
“Good morning Kiran. How are you feeling now? Rough night, huh? My name is Jonas and I’ll be your nurse. I know you probably have a lot of questions; the doctor will be here to see you soon and the nurse should be here any minute to do some more blood tests. Your dad is downstairs grabbing coffee, and your mom is on the way, you’ve all had a rough night. You can’t drink water right now, but I’ve left ice cubes on the side table so you can keep yourself hydrated.I have to finish my round, but just buzz if you need me! Oh…and welcome back.”
Am I dreaming? Was this all a nightmare that I’m waking up from? Am I a part of some sort of miracle? I can’t even remember what happened. How long have I been here? What day is it? Ugh, I need to lie down.
And then I suddenly realized that the only thing I needed to understand and remember back then is the same thing that I haven’t forgotten ever since:
Five years ago, I was given a second chance at life.
I have never been sure of how to share my story without it seeming too dramatic, or like a sob story being told for attention, or without it seeming like I’m trying to portray myself as some sort of hero because I’m really not. I’m just an ordinary girl who has made some extraordinary, life altering mistakes in her life, but someone who has also learnt her lessons and continues to learn them even today. The only difference between the 15-year old girl in that hospital room and the 20-year old young woman sitting in this chair today is that whereas one made mistakes while ignoring the potential consequences, the other realizes that while all mistakes have consequences, they also come along with lessons that can be shared with the world as an attempt to make the world a brighter place while she’s still here; there’s no shame in making your scars visible.
For a long time I always asked myself the question What if…? What if I had never made it out of that hospital room five years ago? But then I realized I was asking myself the wrong question. The right question to ask myself would be: Now what…? How do I not only learn from my past to make myself a better person but how do I also use this second chance to make a difference in the lives of others?
Though I try my best to make a difference each day of my life through several, varying outlets, today I plan to make a difference not only through sharing this story, but by also sharing the most important lessons taught to me through this life altering story of mine. Because the positivity and the bright smile that belong to me are much more deep-rooted than most people think and I want everyone to realize that no matter what struggles you have to endure, the dark tunnel eventually ends and once it does, you’re bound to find light.
My second chance at life has taught me these important lessons:
We all have demons inside of us; they consist of our fears, our regrets, things we’re ashamed of. What’s important is acknowledging the presence of these demons, which may be a terrifying act in itself because then suddenly they become real, but that’s the only way to fight them off. Otherwise they will weigh you down and hold you back. My demons were the ones that allowed me to blindly make the mistakes I did, almost costing me my life and then they showed up in the form of regrets refusing to be forgiven. But I eventually fought them off. And it’s a given that as we continue on with life, new demons take over the homes of old ones in much more complicated forms, but once we grant ourselves the ability to bring them to life and kill them off, we also give life to the possibility that as long as we can identify them, we’ll gather the strength and courage to get rid of them also.
We can’t spend our lives being bitter at the world, at people, at ourselves. Of course my struggles didn’t come to a halt after I had conquered the mess I put myself into. They continued and they still exist even now. But I had to stop feeling so entitled to my suffering because each and every individual around me was and still is fighting their own battles and in no way whatsoever was I granted the right to alleviate the struggles and battles of others. There’s a certain beauty in seeing the world through a once damaged and then repaired lens, beauty in going through struggle and pain and then being able to look at others with a new found extent of compassion and understanding. When you go through your own period of sadness, get back up and make the world a happier place to live in. “Let your past make you better, not bitter.”
Love is important. Give and receive love openly. I know that if it hadn’t been for the love I received from my family and friends, the tough road I have travelled might have never ended. Give as much love as you receive and a bit more on top of that. Love yourself too. Love yourself and others so much that your positive energy shines through no matter where you go. The cliché one-liner “Tell everyone you love how much you love them before it’s too late” is easily one of the most over-used lines in my writing because I relate to it so well. When I felt myself slipping away in the hospital room that night all I could think about were the last conversations I had with my siblings, my parents, and my grandparents and I was so bothered by not being able to remember the last time I had told them how much I loved them; perhaps because I had never actually openly expressed my love for them and I wanted to do that so badly right then and there. There’s no better time to express love, to reciprocate love, to receive love than right now. “Love makes the world go round.”
Share your stories. I love reading and hearing stories revolved around personal experiences from which I can learn and also be intrigued by the fact that there are so many of us in this world all working towards our destinations, each with our own story and not one story is the same as another. Stories allow appreciation for the human race and how intricately and beautifully our journeys are woven. I know my story won’t necessarily stick with everyone who comes across it and that’s okay, because if I make a difference in the life of even one person then my job here will be done. We all fear sharing our personal stories because of judgment, opinions and our perception of the concept of isolation and thinking we won’t connect with others so we’re alone. You would be amazed at how wrong you are. Storytelling has existed for centuries and it has its own magical way of drawing its audience into its web; into such a depth that they have difficulty escaping. After all, that’s all we are; merely actors playing the lead roles in our own lives and using the world as a stage to narrate our stories, and the people alongside us playing the role of our audience.
That’s really all there is to it. If I’m ever meant to understand this extremely complicated yet beautiful life I’ve been granted, then I believe that the above is as far as I’ll ever understand it and that’s enough for me. Many of those who know me are familiar with my positive attitude and big smile like I mentioned earlier. Well, now I’ve shared the secrets to my formula. A positive attitude and a smile do wonders! Besides, there’s no reason to make life any more complicated than it already is.
Not a day goes by where I’m not thankful for the life I’ve been given. It doesn’t matter to me whether what happened that night was luck, a miracle or doctors merely fulfilling their duties; I’m here, I’ve been given a second chance and I’m going to use it to make my life exactly how I want it to be, all while making the difference I want to make. I always say that life has taken a lot from me, but it has given me a lot too. And you’ve just got to work with what you’re given because it should always be enough, it will always be enough. Life is beautiful. Keep smiling, keep sharing, keep loving and just keep going!
Side note: The story above might leave some of you hanging because to add every detail would mean having to write a book (which I one day hope to do) but also, I myself cannot recall every detail that happened within those crucial hours because as the story portrays, I was not aware of my surroundings. To write about something means to bring it to life and I really have struggled to bring what happened that night back to life once more. I have re-lived that night through writing this story and I hope my readers can understand my experience to some extent through the above story. I don’t hesitate when talking about any of this, whether it be through conversation or storytelling so if you have questions, ask away!
Ash Beckham believes we all need to come out of the closet — regardless of our sexual orientation. In this powerful talk at TEDxBoulder, she explains how we each isolate ourselves by avoiding honest conversations about who we really are, and makes a case for coming out of these emotional closets, no matter how comfortable they seem.
Understanding; it’s as difficult to achieve as it is important. But, if you’ve mastered the skill of understanding others, then along with it comes the entire package of acceptance, respect and love.
Honesty, loyalty, trust; majority of the time, those are considered to be the most vital aspects, the make or break points of any relationship, but I believe they don’t exist without the initial development of understanding. The most important type of understanding is the realization that there is always one thing, if not more, that will knock us down and bring us to our knees time and time again- and that one thing is different for each of us.
So, you have to understand what people go through in order to know and understand their weaknesses, their pain and the kinds of sacrifices and decisions they make. The point I’m trying to make here is that understanding comes without judgement and very often, I have seen or heard individuals trying to figure someone out and trying to understand them, but completely judging their actions, decisions and feelings. You can’t assume someone’s decision is right or wrong without knowing and understanding what lead them to make the decisions they’ve made. There are several factors - big and small - which add up to the bigger picture which becomes the lives we each live - but those pictures aren’t ever painted with the same brush strokes.
Respect and understanding is due because at the end of the day, we all have our problems and we’re all fighting our own battles; we all want to become better than who we were the day before. We all seek motivation and encouragement and those have to come without judgement. Always remember that our beliefs and values exist only because we think we are right; but core beliefs and values differ for every individual and so, it’s not for us to speculate whether someone’s personal decisions are right or wrong and it’s definitely not up to us to decide who struggles more and goes through more or less pain than us; it’s not a competition. At the end of they day, you are not the only one trying to keep your head above water, we all are.
Allow yourself the ability to understand without judgement and along with it will come the ability to respect, accept and love others.
Looking for happiness and how to find it always seems to be the talk of the town no matter where we go. But sometimes we look so far and dig so deep that we don’t see what has been there all long. Don’t look for happiness in only the big things, don’t look for happiness in the future and you know what? Don’t look for happiness, period. Recognize that it already exists in the present, it comes along with all the little things that matter, that make a difference. It exists everywhere at any given time. So, sit back and reflect on this list I have created of 100 Things That Bring Us Happiness In Our Daily Lives:
1. A good read that gives us useful insight, whether it be a novel, newspaper article, research paper, etc.
2. Your favourite song on the radio
3. Studying something you are interested in and passionate about
4. Learning something new and exciting
6. Taking a small break to do something you love
7. Ice cream
8. Dessert of any sort
9. A long distance phone call from a loved one
10. Bear hugs, big, tight, I-don’t-want-to-let-go types
11. Your pet waiting for you at the door after a long day
12. Working out and the feeling you get after
13. A child’s innocent smile
14. Going for a walk without a set destination in mind
15. Long drives
16. Cooking a healthy delicious meal
17. Cooking for someone else
18. Spending the night in with good movies and a bottle of wine
20. The package/letter you’ve been waiting for finally arriving
21. The smile on your parent’s face
22. Sitting back and enjoying the day just because
23. Spending the day inside a book store
24. A good cup of coffee
25. The smile on the face of a loved one
26. A big breakfast
27. Getting out of a class, meeting, appointment, etc early
28. A text from an old friend asking how you are
29. Pointless conversations at 3am
30. Meaningful conversations at 3am
31. Capturing a special moment on camera
32. Receiving free products in the mail
34. Loving someone more than you can explain
35. First snowfall of the year
36. Satisfying a craving
37. Sales on your favourite product
38. Freshly cleaned, crisp bed sheets
39. A good cup of tea and a book
41. Finding money you forgot about
42. Fresh flowers
43. Passing a really tough level in a video game
44. Genuinely feeling happy for someone else
46. Inspiring someone
47. Holding someone’s hand
48. Fresh air after being stuck inside all day
49. Receiving an apology
50. Mornings when you wake up and feel completely energized
52. Making a new friend
53. Proving someone wrong
54. Proving yourself wrong
55. Freshly baked cookies
56. A new haircut
57. Letting go of people and things that hurt you
58. Watching cartoons in your pyjamas with a bowl of cereal
59. Not caring what people think
60. Baby animals
61. Old people in love
62. Young people in love
63. The window seat
64. Ocean waves
65. Finding something that you thought you had lost
66. Surprise visits
67. Finishing a task on time and to the best of your ability
68. Dinner at your favourite restaurant
69. A glass of water
70. Alone time
71. Spending time and catching up with childhood friends
72. Good and friendly customer service
73. Exploring a new town or city
74. Watching old videos
75. Looking through old pictures
76. Receiving a long letter or text from a loved one
77. Being recognized and appreciated for your hard work
78. No class on Monday mornings
79. Putting a smile on someone’s face
80. Singing out loud to your favourite songs
81. Dancing like nobody’s watching
82. Random compliments
83. Bubble baths and candles
85. Knowing someone looks up to you
86. Re-runs of your favourite sitcom
87. Having someone who listens and understands
88. Your best friend
91. Sitting inside the comfort of your home surrounded by your family
92. Helping others and making a difference
93. Sleeping without an alarm
94. Knowing your loved ones are proud of you
95. An organized desk and room
96. Mom’s home made food
97. Finding true inspiration
98. Having an intellectual conversation with an elder
99. Moment where we kick back and let ourselves slide
100. Memories - because they mean everything and they should always make you smile
There is a fear within a lot of us, a fear that rests somewhere deep, but exists nonetheless. A fear bigger than that of spiders, heights, snakes and sometimes even death and that’s the fear of being alone. We believe that if we are alone, we are unwanted, unloved, unworthy. So much personal value is placed into how many people are a part of our lives, how many people want to be a part of our lives. Our value is depicted by the numbers shown on the screens of our phones and laptops to see how many followers we have on Twitter and Instagram and how many friends we have managed to search and add on Facebook. First off, if those are the numbers you use to weigh your personal value and worth, you are doing it all wrong.
There is so much negativity attached to aloneness; somehow we all have this idea instilled in our minds that aloneness means failure, it means pity, it means sorrow, that somehow we have done wrong and the consequence is aloneness. It is very important to realize that to be physically alone does not mean someone is lonely and sad. That doesn’t go to say that all lonely people are at the happiest moments in their lives, but they are not necessarily at their worst either. Do not let pity and sadness be your initial response to aloneness whether that solitude be your own or someone else’s.
Solitude has its own way in actually helping us realize how not alone we are in this world. Solitude brings forth a sort of freedom in itself. It allows you to absorb the atmosphere around you, helps you realize all the things you are, the things you want and the things you love, not what others around you want to be and want you to love. Solitude means being your own person, it brings forth a learning process where you begin to learn and know yourself better than anyone else. Solitude means undivided attention; you notice things around you that you are most likely to ignore when in the presence of others. It brings appreciation of the world and the people that reside in it, it means meeting new people and countless chances at sparking new interests. If anything, you are miles away from alone.
When you are alone, you learn independence, responsibility, maturity, strength, confidence, and self awareness. However, you also learn how beautiful and precious the relationships you form with others are. You learn the importance of being in the presence of others and in the presence of just yourself as well. Allow yourself to experience the best of both worlds. Just remember you do not necessarily need to be in the presence of a certain number of people to be comfortable, to feel loved and wanted; you, yourself will always be enough.
And yes, other outside factors over which we have no control can contribute to the fact that sometimes we end up alone, and it can hurt, but this hurt and sadness is a combination of so many other factors besides the physical act of being alone. Solitude on its own is not enough to deserve sadness, pity, and other negative feelings. Just because we’re eating alone at a restaurant or having a coffee by ourselves or taking a walk in the park alone does not mean we aren’t in wonderful company.
And then all of a sudden, we realize that the one thing we have always feared is happening, and it’s really not too bad.
Solitude is beautiful. Alone is beautiful. So, be alone. But, never think you are lonely.
My rock collection was one thing I was quite fond of as a child, and it really wasn’t even anything special, just rocks I would find on the playground, varying in colors, textures and sizes and bring home. However, as I began to grow up I began to realize how insignificant and irrelevant these rocks were to my life. They were just an unnecessary weight I chose to carry around with me as my parents moved from house to house. Mom always believed one day I would lift the rocks up from that desk and throw them out myself without a second thought. And it happened. I grew up and when my understanding of the world around me broadened and I began to ask myself questions, one question I could not find the answer to was why I needed those rocks in my life… or any other unnecessary collections that were piling up in my room actually.
I wish I had gotten more creative that day rather than just walking to the park and throwing away the rocks. Because imagine if I could label them, what if I could write on them all the things I no longer wished to keep in my life and then throw them out. It’s sort of a symbolic and metaphorical thought, it’s not a literal method to throw out all the negatives from my life. Here’s what I’m trying to say:
Regrets, mistakes, defeat, deceit, heartbreak, tears, anger, pain; they’re all a part of life. Each one of us carries these things around and when they start piling up, they get heavy. And you can’t put them down for a rest; you either always carry their entire weight around with you or you put them down forever, but the choice is always yours. But you see, when things get heavy, they hurt and they weigh us down and the process of carrying them from one place to another becomes far too familiar and tiring. So we have to let go, we have to throw them all out.
When I realized that those rocks never served a purpose in my life, did not contribute to the achievement of my goals, when all they did was take up space, I knew it was time for them to go. I may have kept one or two, perhaps to remind me of that one point in my life but when majority of the weight and burden was gone, those one or two rocks didn’t seem so heavy, and as years passed by, I forgot about them and eventually lost them too.
I believe negatives will always take up some sort of space in our lives, even when we let go of the majority of them. They’ll sneak up on us when we thought we had gotten rid of them, but when we don’t let them effect our lives they become insignificant and they disappear. All this weight you carry; it will teach you your own capabilities of endurance, strength, and determination. It will build you up, but it will also knock you down and as a human, there is only so much you can tolerate. There comes a point where the heroic and admirable thing isn’t to keep going while carrying the weight on your shoulders, it’s to know when it’s time to let it all go and start fresh despite the pain and struggles that the dead weight you have been carrying around has given you. There’s a unique kind of strength in learning to let go and knowing when to do so. Let go and free yourself so you can run and fly.
Rocks are boring anyways, grow a garden of flowers instead; light, and always beautiful and bright.
It’s fair to wish the world would stop right where it is and give us time to gather our thoughts and sort out our lives, but it’s important to know it never does.
All any of us ever really want is time; time to put the pieces together, time to understand exactly what is happening, time to make sure our thoughts and actions align, but what we are given is all we have; no more, no less. Yes, it would be convenient to be granted the ability to tell the universe and its people to freeze when need be in order to pick up the pace and catch up with the rest of them, but that’s life; not everyone is walking at the same speed, and just because one of us come across a stop sign or red light doesn’t mean someone else will come across the same in their path. Since the world doesn’t stop for you, you shouldn’t stop either. Gather your thoughts, sort the pieces, and solve the puzzles, but all while you’re putting one foot in front of the other, showing the world that whatever life chooses to throw your way, you will tackle head on, one step at a time.
We can wish on all the stars in the sky for a different turn out of events, but at the end of the day, it is what it is.
Life isn’t a fairy tale, and we’ve heard this countless times by all sorts of cynics and non-believers. But it really has nothing to do with what you believe because at the end of the day, a story is a story; you can’t turn the pages of a book into your reality. Of course there are villains and unfortunate turn of events in fairy tales just like real life, but fairy tales are known for their happy endings, and sometimes in life, not every ending is a happy one and we could wish for it to have turned out differently, but there is no going back once something has already happened. As the years pass by, you come to the realization that life consists of a lot of settling for what is, of compromises, of damaged hopes because the past cannot be changed. So you take a deep breath, tell yourself it is what it is and you move forward to whatever else life has to offer you. Just remember, settling and compromises are not always a bad thing, sometimes they are the only things that allow you to make peace with your past and help you realize that at the end of the day, it is what it is.
You must learn to forgive yourself.
Forgive yourself: for breaking your own heart, for not always paying attention to yourself, for not listening to yourself, for allowing others to come before you. You must learn to forgive yourself because if you don’t, you will bury yourself under the weight of all those mistakes and regrets because it is far too heavy to carry around with you. You are your weakest link at times; you will be the toughest obstacle in your own course during many cross roads in your lifetime. But, you have to learn to forgive. Seeking forgiveness from others and allowing yourself to forgive others is not always enough. First, you must learn to forgive yourself for whatever it may be that is holding you down. Once you forgive yourself, you also free yourself and that is one of the best feelings in the world.
Sometimes, there is no such thing as “getting over it.”
One of the most ridiculous and overly used phrases. Certain events in our lives become a part of our identity, their significance is so great that there is really never any way out of the memories those events have created, there is no way to ever completely free yourself from them, but that’s perfectly okay. Getting over it means to have forgotten and sometimes there is no need to forget, in fact, often times the situations we are told we will get over or that we should get over are the ones we could never actually fathom completely forgetting. There’s never a need to get over it, only to get through it. Because when you get through it, you come out a much stronger person, an individual who carries the memories attached to that event as a positive keepsake forever. The only way out is through.
Trying to beat inevitability is a fool’s game. You must accept and adapt to what you cannot change, and what is bound to happen.
A determined and successful individual is most often the one who speaks of creating their life on their own terms, without believing in fate or destiny. They make their own rules. But, no one has ever been able to fight and win against the inevitable. Certain aspects of life cannot be fought with, and this relates back to Number 2 because once again, some things just are and there is no way around them. The trick is to adapt and to accept. You can think of it as the Survival of the Fittest; if you can change and adapt according to your environment, you survive and therefore you win. It’s a part of life; ongoing change and inevitability are two constants in this fast paced game and sometimes the one who refuses to accept that and adapt loses in the end.
Take all the negativity out.
When you take out all the toxins in your life, you allow yourself a fresh and clean start. When you get rid of all the negativity, all the empty spaces fill up with positivity. Whether it be negative thoughts or negative people, it is your responsibility and your right to discard them from your life because they do you no good. If someone or something no longer brings you happiness, positivity, encouragement, growth or motivation, you are allowed to walk away and there is never any reason to feel bad for doing so. There are many things in life we cannot control because they are simply out of reach, however choosing who and what stays or goes is, at times, no one’s choice but our own. And when given that choice, allowing negative thoughts and people to build a home in your life when that’s not the right place is stupidity. Let go of one negative and a handful of positives will replace it.
You do not owe anyone anything.
Do not allow someone to make you believe otherwise. We are all here to be the best we can be, to fight our own battles, to find our own ways, to build our own lives and you don’t owe anyone anything in order to help them through any of it. Be your own person and make your own decisions because dependence on others keeps you at their whim, but if you are independent, then no one has the authority to tell you that you owe them anything; not your time, not your money, not your love, nothing. What you are willing to give out of love and selflessness is solely your decision but only ever give because you want to, not because you think you should or because it is expected of you or because someone has you believing that you owe them something. Whatever you give, give whole heartedly without any expectations. Whatever you receive, receive with appreciation without ever looking back to see if there is more.
Just like you don’t owe anyone anything, this world also owes you nothing at all.
To be living in this world and being given space amongst so many others is a huge gift in itself, nobody owes you anything more. It is as simple as that. If you want it, you must work hard to achieve it. Life is not always fair and you will not always succeed the first time but that in no way whatsoever means that the one who has what you want owes it to you. If others have worked hard toward their goals, why should your dreams be fulfilled any differently? As said previously, receive with appreciation without ever looking back to see if there is more because most often, what you are given is out of good intentions, love and well wishes, it’s not because someone owes you, so do not allow yourself to believe that you will be handed everything you have ever wanted on a golden plate. The world doesn’t owe you anything.
Do not waste your time and energy on explaining yourself to someone who refuses to take a look at something from your perspective.
We all want someone who understands, someone who is willing to step in our shoes even if it is just for a little while, but it does not always happen. In order to understand, we must see from a different perspective, must make our own everything that belongs to someone else; emotions, thoughts, hardships, everything. Understanding only comes with explaining; it’s a two way street. We cannot always expect the individuals who are closest to us to always understand and therefore, it’s necessary to explain. But, explanations are not always asked for because there is a want for understanding, sometimes they are asked for as a gateway to blaming. Explain yourself only when you know the listener is completely listening and understands. However, if they are unwilling to take a look at things from your perspective, they are not worth your time and energy. They are not worthy of you.
Growing up is a part of life; physically and mentally. If someone cannot keep up, let them go.
We have all made the countless promises to childhood friends to be best friends forever no matter what and to always keep in touch. We do not realize that these promises are usually always made in the years where our lives consist of our homes, school, and the playgrounds. Our world only stretches so far and it is easy and completely fair to believe that we will be able to continue on with our lives with our best friends forever by our sides. However, as we grow older and wiser, we see many more angles of life and this world, but not always at the same pace as the rest of our friends. Life takes us in all sorts of directions and the hands we once held on to could have only stretched so far. Our values, our goals, our dreams; these all change according to what we have seen in life and what we want to see in life and those are never the same for every person. Our understanding of the world and our grasp on life is very dependent on what we have faced throughout life and it’s not fair to always expect someone to broaden their understanding on something they have never been through. And so, some of us grow older, stronger and wiser more quickly than others. And when our mentalities, our values and our understandings do not align with one another’s it becomes difficult to fulfill the promises we made so long ago. If certain relationships begin to seem more like a chore because there is no understanding, no tolerance and no keeping up, it is time to let go. Just know that when there is nothing else you can do to save a friendship, respect each other enough to let go without any blame, without any hurt. You can’t always keep everyone with you, and you cannot always expect them to walk the same path you do. It is better to go your separate ways and walk away with a lifetime of good memories if nothing else.
TO BE CONTINUED….
Anonymous asked: Why is it that the very people you feel the most connected with sometimes seem to disprove everything and go against what they once knew u of?
Not all connections and relationships are reciprocated. Just because we feel a connection with someone doesn’t mean they connect to us on the same level as well; it’s not always two-sided. And even if it is, we all have our own inner battles, if someone was connected to us at a certain time doesn’t mean they always will be. Sometimes people aren’t able to hold true to their values and their beliefs, which means it’s possible that if they turn away from those things then they can just as easily turn away from everything they once knew you to be. It can be difficult to understand and more difficult to come to terms with but sometimes it is what it is and the best thing is to move on. Who knows, you might end up finding someone you connect with on an even deeper level :)
I wonder how many of us claim to understand something without ever completely knowing the very meaning of the word itself.
We spend all the time in the world trying to look for people we are able to connect with, people who understand us at a much deeper level than the rest and so, the first few times someone tell us they understand, we believe them, not knowing that what they claim is not true at all. And it’s no one’s fault really.
We’re taught from the beginning that in order to survive this big bad world, we need people who understand us. Yes, it is important that understanding exists but our entire existence should not and does not solely depend on the ability of others to completely understand us. We’re taught that telling someone you understand is the best thing to say in times of hurt. But, what hurts more is realizing that as much as you wish you could understand the pain and the struggles your loved ones are going through, sometimes it’s just not possible. Stepping into one’s shoes is just an easily said phrase; the shoe almost never fits. What hurts is the realization that as comforting as the thought that someone understands exactly what we’re going through is, it’s very highly likely that they’re nowhere close to understanding. What hurts is that “I understand” is a phrase used by the ones who have no idea how to approach the situation otherwise, no idea how to offer comfort to the ones they love.
We complicate the simplest things in life. Don’t say you understand if you don’t. Don’t expect someone to understand when you know they most likely never will. Don’t think the only way you can love or comfort someone is by understanding. Sometimes, silence speaks louder than words. And if that doesn’t do the trick, your actions will.
In my opinion, telling someone you understand what they’re going through is one of the least comforting things you can possibly say to someone. Sometimes we don’t need understanding; even though it may seem otherwise. Sometimes all any of us need is a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen, a helping hand, a promise to be present whenever we may need someone to be there.
Acknowledging the fact that struggle and pain exists in every corner of this world is enough in itself. Know that everyone hurts; to determine to what extent and to compare it to the pain of others is not for us to speculate. To completely understand the struggles and pain of someone, you must completely make it your own and that’s one of the most difficult things to do.
So next time you want to tell someone you understand, stop for a second and think whether you really do. Whether or not you understand every emotion and every thought that must be going through their head at any given moment. Whether or not you understand the difficulty they have falling asleep at night and the difficulty they have getting out of bed in the morning. Whether or not you understand how each day continues to drag on. And if you don’t, that’s okay, just don’t say you do. There are a million and one other ways you can offer comfort and help and it’ll still mean the world.